Well I'm here to basically give you a summary/pictograph of what the candidates represent.
First off, we've got Matt "The Pollster" Kelty. This man loves to poll, disagrees with spending and is a huge fan of the arts. It appears he does not like baseball, even though on his myspace site, he's ambiguously wearing a baseball cap. He does not like Harrison Square, but he claims to support downtown development. Picture to describe the campaign -
Next up, Nelson "The Commissh" Peters. He's got a long standing track running with the area, he wears suits, and the mustache polls well with the ladies. He doesn't seem to be for Harrison Square, but he's not against it. He's pushing economic development and wants to crack down on the over spending accompanied with a large government and consolidated government. He sees downtown revitalization as a must do. Picture to describe campaign platform:
Then there's Tom "Quick Draw" Henry. Not much has been published about Tom, but some say he's a direct descendant of Wyatt Earp, while others say he likes to collect exotic fish. Could this silence on downtown development be a masterminded strategy? Is his name really Tom? A platform isn't really known about Mr. Henry - so I was forced to come up with one. Let it be known that Tom Henry will be running on the promise of reuniting the Legendary Rock Groups - Van Halen and The Police. Before even the primary Henry has fulfilled half of his promise by leading The Police on a Summer World Tour. Picture to display running platform:
9 comments:
Tom supports Harrison Square.
I heard it from his own mouth at the monthly Democratic Party meeting this morning...
CFW
I need your help.
I've been hearing a lot lately about supposed conspiracy theories behind Harrison Square and downtown development. They claim that our current elected officials might be part of a covert channel directly benefiting them from the public dollars spent on Harrison Square. They also claim this must be why they are pushing this before leaving office. Some even claim this may be rpart of the overall 9/11 conspiracy that we have heard about lately.
If this is uncovered, will we have to wait 30 years to find out who Deep Throat is ?
I figured if anyone, you might be able to break the story behind this.
I am also commissioning one of my sources who claims that all of life's questions can be answered through direct relationship with scenes in Michael J. Fox's Teen Wolf. Stay tuned ....
Yours in satire,
Dave C.
David - you left out the terribly obvious matter of the grassy knoll. Do you think the proposed berm around the outfield is REALLY just there for picnicking?
Jeff,
Thanks for letting us know that. We figured as much, but it's good to get the news from someone that heard it from the horses mouth.
David,
Rest assured, CFW is already all over this conspiracy. We are going through a list of several sources as I type this right now. Word out of King Gyros downtown is that "the secret is in the sauce."
All,
In all seriousness...It sounds like something may hit the fan today.
CFW,
Looks like we need to update Peters on the Mayoral Comparison. Kelty can be "Mr. Pollster". Peters can be "Mr Referendum". What a great form of government, why elect leaders if they cannot make decisions on their own - gosh if we can force referendum on all issues at hand, what an efficient form of government we will have.
Looks like I'm voting for the rockstar.
Dave
Can you imagine what this city would look like right now if we had required referendums on every decision?
Councilman Pape and I are doing something very novel on the Harrison Square issue. We have researched the issues, we have listened to all the individual comments from citizens and we are making our decisions based on what we believe in our minds and in our hearts is the best decision for the community. This is what we were elected to do.
JFK once wrote about how legislators should not be a mere collection of robots dutifully recording the views of the constituents, or a gathering of time-servers skilled only in predicting and following the tides of public sentiment......
Its very easy to be an elected official who bases every single decision on what the majority wants.
Sam T.
CFW,
Please come up with some entertaining posts about Peters soon. Please!
I assume you guys will be endorsing neither of the elephants and backing Tom Henry.
I'm not sure what we'll do in regard to "backing" any candidates. That is something that we will discuss in our upcoming lunch conference at a secret downtown location. The people that contribute to this blog are politically diversified, with the common hope that Fort Wayne can improve, and specifically that Harrison Square be implemented and succeed.
That said, I wouldn't be surprised to see something about Peters in the near future. :)
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